(FUTURE) Presidential Address to the Nation

(FUTURE) Presidential Address to the Nation


Date July 25, 2011 (Speech entirely read from teleprompter.)

Good Evening.

As you know three years ago the congress of the United States, under my direction, courageously passed the most comprehensive health care reform bill in our country’s history. In this bill were the tools for the entire country to receive free health care. Now, prior to the passage of this bill almost 56 million American were without health care due to the exorbitant and ever-rising costs.

Since congress passed this bill we have seen access to doctors increase and prescription drug prescriptions rise at levels never seen before. It is apparent from the results that we have seen that Americans truly needed this relief from the rising costs of health care. We have also seen the overpaid doctors and over charging hospitals get their fair due by restricting payments to this obviously overly-rich segment of the population. As a result enrollments in medical schools are down giving us the unexpected happy consequence of lowering costs for our comprehensive college reform program.

This is all good news.

But we have also found that the cost for this program has exceeded our expectations. Simply stated our health insurance program is going broke. Now after a two year study of this we have determined that the cause for this could never be predicted by us because we could never have foreseen the rush to the medical centers for the obviously needed medical treatments the poor, uninsured and underinsured are now receiving. It seems that because of our efforts at health care reform our claims are up at rates never predicted. Simply put we are going to the doctor more and that is costing our health care program more.

So tonight I am announcing our new health care reform reform. Because of the overtaxing of the system we will increase taxes on those who can best afford it. Now first of let me state, that those exempt from this tax will be as follows; the poor, the obese, the infirm, those with high blood pressure and high cholesterol. We will also be offering a health care credit – your checks will becoming soon – to those with diabetes, heart disease and cancer plus debilitating conditions like asthma, multiple sclerosis and lupus, as well as fibromyalgia, ADHD and depression.

Because of the fuel savings and the extra income of those in our population who do not need to take off from work and drive to the doctor’s office because they do not need doctor’s care on a regular basis. We will be getting the much needed money from those who do not need medical care. This only makes sense. Those who have good health should pay for those who, through no fault of their own, do not.

This program is called the Pretty Health Alternative Tax – or our PHAT tax. All healthy American are hereby ordered to visit a health care center within the next 30 days to be tested, weighed and measured to determine the level of taxes you will pay. Now because we already have health records for the infirm through our Drug Czar program you will very soon be receiving a letter informing you of the new accelerated level free care or the health care credit you will receive.

Thank you.


Editor's Note: You think this can't happen. Think again look at what has already happened in less than 100 days. Our current President is serious about this and apparently no one in congress in either party is serious about stopping him.

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